God of Storms

So the idiot mayor of New Orleans says that God punished the country, etc. for supposed sins by sending Hurricane Katrina and blah, blah, blah.

You know, maybe the problem isn’t that the Old Testament God is mad at us. Maybe the problem is that we’re sucking up to the wrong god in the first place.

The problem is storms. Big storms, bad storms, storms that knock out cities and seacoasts. We’d like them to stop. So the logical religious conclusion is to find the god responsible for storms and ask him to ease up a little.

Yes, we should worship Thor.

That’s right, the Norse god of thunder and storms and the Protector of Man.

It only makes sense. He’s the guy with the magical swirling hammer which makes the storms, or stops the storms. He’s the one we need to get on our knees for. Not some guy whose most destructive claim to fame is fire and brimstone on desert cities made out of dirt. We call him in to take out some Mideastern city when we need it. For now, we need storm abatement, and for that, we need Thor.

This shouldn’t require too many changes. Christmas, with the trees and all the other Yule trappings, can stay the same. Conservatives will be happy that fewer arguments over nativity scenes on the courthouse lawn means less work for the ACLU. Nor is it un-American, given the cultural and ethnic ties between so many Americans and the Norse and Germanic traditions.

Thor’s wife, Sif, an Earth goddess, should make for a seamless transition for Easter. Heck, the biggest change might be going to church on Thursday instead of Sunday. But Muslims take Friday off and Jews and Seventh Day Adventists get Saturday without much to do. We can handle it.

So light those bonfires and sacrifice those hamburgers or whatever it is Thor ask for. Let’s get holy on those storms asses and bring in a guy who knows how to take ‘em to the mat.

Yes, it’s an opportunistic appeal to a deity or belief based on a specific returned benefit or advantage. So what? If it worked for Emperor Constantine eighteen hundred years ago or so, it can work for us. So get down on your knees and pray before the next storm season. Don’t make us go Odin on your ass.