A Little Lone Star Theology

There were four churches in a small, Texas town: the Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Roman Catholic Church and the Methodist Church.

Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. The Presbyterians called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels; and after prayer and consideration, they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

The Baptist folks found the squirrels had taken up abode in the baptistery, committing the sin of trespassing. They decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels therein. The squirrels escaped and returned the next week.

The Catholic Church group decided they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So they trapped the squirrels and took them a few miles out of town. Three days later, the squirrels returned.

The Methodist Church baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the flock. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

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The Unitarian corollary:

Since this is Texas, the locals don't consider Unitarianism a real religion, since no one burns in Hell, but the town had a Unitarian church for same just the same, which also found itself pestered by squirrels.

The Unitarians first formed a committee and found a person of suitable character to Chair. New committees must be authorized by the Board of Trustees, so it was delayed a month.

The new Committee found an available room in which to hold their meeting -- and those rooms are becoming more difficult to find. The secretary was notified to put an announcement in the Order of Service insert notifying the members of such a meeting.

A sub-committee was formed to supply refreshments and two members volunteered to help set up the room. The meeting was opened to discussion by the Chair.

Some members wanted to set traps; others dissented on humane grounds. A fence was ruled out for aesthetic reasons. Keeping all doors closed to the kitchen would not be practical.

After the stressful two-hour session, it was unanimously concluded that a class on History, Culture and Care of Squirrels would be the most practical solution. After all, they said, we are a Welcoming Society.